The Bureau of Communication - Fill-in-the-blank Correspondence. Conversation Etiquette: 5 Dos and Don’ts. I think we’ve all encountered men who have a knack for good conversation.
They can talk to anybody about anything in a laid-back, casual manner that sets people immediately at ease. A complete stranger can walk away from these conversational maestros feeling like he’s known known them for years. It’s easy to think that the art of conversation is a skill that the gods bestow on a happy few, while cursing most men with turbid tongues. While it’s true that some men simply have a greater portion of innate natural charm, the art of conversation is a skill in which all men can become competent. You may never have a silver-tongue, but you can learn to converse in ways that make you a valued party guest, set you apart at company functions, impress the ladies, and win you new friends. Conversational Narcissism: How to Avoid It. Last month I met up with an old friend I hadn’t seen in forever to have lunch.
Having both read and written about how to be an effective and charismatic conversationalist, I followed the old dictum of listening more than talking and asking the other person engaging questions about themselves. This is supposed to charm your conversation partner. I guess it worked because my friend talked about himself for an hour straight and didn’t ask me a single question.
When we’ve talked about the ins and outs of making good conversation before, someone inevitably asks, “But what if both people keep trading questions back and forth?” Well, that’s a pretty good problem to have, but I’ve yet to see it happen. In a time where a lot of the old social supports people relied upon have disappeared, people have become starved for attention. Narcissistic personality disorder. Symptoms Some people diagnosed with a narcissistic personality disorder are characterized by exaggerated feelings of self-importance.
They have a sense of entitlement and demonstrate grandiosity in their beliefs and behavior. They have a strong need for admiration, but lack feelings of empathy. Symptoms of this disorder, as defined by the DSM-IV-TR, include: Expects to be recognized as superior and special, without superior accomplishmentsExpects constant attention, admiration and positive reinforcement from othersEnvies others and believes others envy him/herIs preoccupied with thoughts and fantasies of great success, enormous attractiveness, power, intelligenceLacks the ability to empathize with the feelings or desires of othersIs arrogant in attitudes and behaviorHas expectations of special treatment that are unrealistic.
False Self. What is the false self?
The simple answer is it's whatever the Narcissist wants it to be. In essence whatever mask they can use to hide the insecure and damaged part of themselves to obtain the narcissistic supplies they need to support an inflated view of themselves. The more complex answer is that the false Self is a protection mechanism against attack from the outside world. The Narcissist may suspect that something is wrong in their make up but they choose not to investigate the source of their insecurities and fears, they deny their feelings because it would mean they are not perfect. They don't want others to see their defects because if they are pointed out it casts doubt on the grandiose image they have of themselves. What does the false self look like in action? Narcissistic people will do whatever they can to ensure people see them as they see themselves i.e. special.
The Narcissist doesn't have the emotional reserves to pull off this façade indefinitely - it is hard work. Basics of Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) Why do people suffer with NPD?
There are 2 main areas of concentration when looking at the root cause for NPD, these are Social Conditioning and Parenting. Social Conditioning The modern media (through film, magazines, newspapers, television programmes etc.) bombards us with information on how we should aspire to achieve bigger and greater things in a world where celebrity status is viewed as ideal. People are encouraged to expect special treatment with little regard for the old values of community and helping their fellow man. It's no longer considered selfish to consistently get something for nothing and always be on the "look out for number one". Over emphasis is placed on physical fitness to promote sexual relationships and self-esteem as opposed to being fit for their medical health. Determination, single-mindedness, wealth, status, influence, sexual prowess, these are the qualities that dominate the mass media today.
8 Ways to Avoid Conversational Narcissism. Forget yourself and submit to the other person.
That’s the BIG challenge of listening. To check your ego.To relinquish you agendas.To suspend your preoccupation. Why Is It Always About You?: The Seven Deadly Sins of Narcissism - Sandy Hotchkiss, James F. Masterson. Sandy Hotchkiss, LCSW teaches in the Master's Program at the University of Southern California School of Social Work and has a private practice in psychotherapy.
A fellow of the California Society for Clinical Social Work, she lives in the Los Angeles area. Masterson, Director of Masterson Institute for Psychoanalytic Psychotheapy; Emeritus Professor of Psychiatry, Cornell University Medical College, New York Hospital.