Awkward Physical Contacts. The Room's Soundboard. Hilarious Graffiti. Koala Dots. Snow Dogs gif. Best Dog Trick Ever. New Yorker Rejection Letters. Written by Patricia Marx, Andy Borowitz, and David Rakoff for the Authors Guild Centennial Benefit, June 4, 2012 Dear Mr. Homer, Thank you for coming into the office last week and performing your epic poem. Unfortunately, we do not buy books based on pitches. We think your story is very interes—no, actually we don’t. While your saga is not right for us, we do think that if you trimmed it by thirteen hours and sixteen minutes, it might make a wonderful Moth monologue. With a few changes. Thank you again for thinking of us. Sincerely yours, Patricia Marx Editor P.S. P.P.S. Dear F: Thank you for submitting “The Great Gatsby” to our editorial director, Charlotte Pelker.
Let me begin by saying that “The Great Gatsby” is not the worst novel I have ever read. For these reasons, F., I am afraid “The Great Gatsby” does not meet our needs at the present time. Now I’ve got to get back to that slush pile. XOXO, Andy Borowitz Dear Mr. To begin, a word of congratulations. But I’m getting off track. Toilet Paper Gun gif. Language Differences.