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Characteristics of Narcissistic Fathers | This page is one of the most visited on this site and since I’ve read that 75% of all narcissists are men, that makes sense to me. I don’t know if the way narcissistic fathers act is the same as narc moms act (view here) but when I found the lists I put farther down on this page, reading them struck a chord in me and I flashed back to one of my stepfathers. By doing this blog, I’ve come to realize that my 2rd stepfather was a horrible narcissist, abusive to all, violent, cold, extremely controlling and cruel…even while being ver-r-r-y charming, handsome and successful. Hey, snakes and poisonous bugs can be pretty too… Boy-oh-boy did he get mad one time when I was 12 years old.

Looking back, I realize that two of my mother’s four husbands left her via divorce and the last one died. :Angry Man" Anita Killi In Cognitive Therapy of Personality Disorders, Aaron T. (View original source here.) (View original source here.) Like this: Like Loading... Characteristics of Narcissistic Mothers. 1. Everything she does is deniable. There is always a facile excuse or an explanation. Cruelties are couched in loving terms. Aggressive and hostile acts are paraded as thoughtfulness. Selfish manipulations are presented as gifts. She rarely says right out that she thinks you're inadequate. Many of her putdowns are simply by comparison. Because her abusiveness is part of a lifelong campaign of control and because she is careful to rationalize her abuse, it is extremely difficult to explain to other people what is so bad about her. 2. Any attempt at autonomy on your part is strongly resisted. 3. 4. 5.

She will deliver generalized barbs that are almost impossible to rebut (always in a loving, caring tone): "You were always difficult" "You can be very difficult to love" "You never seemed to be able to finish anything" "You were very hard to live with" "You're always causing trouble" "No one could put up with the things you do. " 6. Narcissists gaslight routinely. 7. 8. 9. 10. 11. 12. 13. Characteristics of Narcissistic Fathers | About Me | My name is Janet and I welcome you to this site about healing from the abuses inflicted on those of us who were unfortunate enough to be born to a narcissistic parent (or worse, two narc parents since narcissists either: 1) marry other narcissists or 2) they find doormat people who will tolerate their insane crap.)

My mother is the narcissist in my life. Or rather WAS because I have opted to go NC (No Contact) because I simply wore out…I could not take the games, the put downs, the fights, etc. any longer. Ironically enough, we were “getting along” pretty much o.k. when she picked the fight that turned out to be the final straw for me. 8/8/2011 marks 52 years on this planet for me…and I struggle every day with the aspects of narcissism that I have been subjected to throughout my life…as well as the narcissistic characteristics I learned, and occasionally still exhibit, in my own life. I hate nothing more in myself than hearing my mother’s voice come out of MY mouth! Oh. My. “Hey God? Gaslighting | Definition of Gaslighting / Definition of Gaslight by J. E. Brown (Source: Gaslighting A common form of brainwashing in which an abuser tries to falsely convince the victim that the victim is defective, for any purpose whatsoever, such as making the victim more pliable and easily controlled, or making the victim more emotional and therefore more needy and dependent.

Often done by friends and family members, who claim (and may even believe) that they are trying to be helpful. Example 1: If an abusive person says hurtful things and makes you cry, and then, instead of apologizing and taking responsibility, starts recommending treatments for what he or she calls “your depression” or “your mood swings,” you are in the presence of a gaslighter. Example 2: If someone insults you or criticizes you, and then pretends it was a joke and asks “Don’t you have a sense of humor?” Translation: “You are perceptually defective. Like this: Gaslighting - Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers. Gaslighting is a strange-sounding term which refers to the way in which abusers such as Narcissistic Mothers lie to you, by word or deed, intentionally or not intentionally, to convince you that your version of reality is not right.

The phrase comes from the 1940's film Gaslight, in which an abusive husband deliberately dims the gaslights in the house, but when his wife comments on it he tells her she's imagining it, that the lights never dimmed at all. Gaslighting is one of the most insiduous, viscious, nasty and effective forms of emotional and psychological abuse. It can make the victim feel as if she's going crazy.

If your perceptions of reality are constantly denied, and above all, denied by your mother, the person you look up to and who you think knows everything, it is very, very head-wrecking and crazy-making. (This is why I called my book You're Not Crazy, because that's so essential to know. Another form of gaslighting is the denial of your right to be upset. Got Your ACE Score? « ACEs Too High. There are 10 types of childhood trauma measured in the ACE Study. Five are personal — physical abuse, verbal abuse, sexual abuse, physical neglect, and emotional neglect.

Five are related to other family members: a parent who’s an alcoholic, a mother who’s a victim of domestic violence, a family member in jail, a family member diagnosed with a mental illness, and the disappearance of a parent through divorce, death or abandonment. Each type of trauma counts as one. So a person who’s been physically abused, with one alcoholic parent, and a mother who was beaten up has an ACE score of three.

There are, of course, many other types of childhood trauma — watching a sibling being abused, losing a caregiver (grandmother, mother, grandfather, etc.), homelessness, surviving and recovering from a severe accident, witnessing a father being abused by a mother, witnessing a grandmother abusing a father, etc. Prior to your 18th birthday: Now add up your “Yes” answers: _ This is your ACE Score 1. 2. 3. Child & Adolescent Questionnaires. Child and Adolescent Survey of Experiences (CASE-C/P) The CASE provides a measure of stressful life experiences of relevance to children and adolescents.

There are versions to be completed by the young person themselves as well as a carer. Items for the CASE were designed to parallel a standard clinical interview measure of life events, the PACE [Sandberg, S., et al. (1993). Assessment of psychosocial experiences in childhood: Methodological issues and some illustrative findings. Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry, 34(6), 879-897]. Downloads A translation of the CASE questionnaire is also available in German, Danish or Portuguese. German Translated by Jennifer Allen, Pearl Ghaemmaghami, Steffi Waskewitz and Prof Thomas Fröhlich: Danish Translated by Kathrine Skak Madsen: Portuguese Relevant References Allen, J.

Children's Anxiety Life Interference Scale (CALIS) The CALIS is designed to assess life interference attributed to fears and worries from child and parent perspectives. Downloads. Gaslighting—the narcissist's crazy making tool. The term “gaslighting” is defined by Wikipedia as “...a form of psychological abuse in which false information is presented with the intent of making a victim doubt his or her own memory and perception. It may simply be the denial by an abuser that previous abusive incidents ever occurred, or it could be the staging of bizarre events by the abuser with the intention of disorienting the victim.”

It is a stock-in-trade of narcissists and used intentionally by the malignant narcissist to keep her victim off balance and, often, to provide the narcissist with amusement. That sounds harsh, doesn’t it? If you haven’t had the dubious pleasure of being in a close relationship with a malignant narcissist, it may even seem far fetched. But, sadly, it is the truth: garden variety narcissists gaslight just as malignant narcissists do, but their motives may be quite different. The “ordinary” narcissist gaslights primarily to restructure history to favour her. Narcissists gaslight—it’s what they do. FLEAS, FLEAS, FLEAS! - LIGHT'S HOUSE. Rom time to time in PD circles, you'll hear people mention FLEAS. If you've never heard of them, here we go... Let's say you were raised by deaf parents. They had no problem when things crashed on the floor, making a horrible sound.

They let you slam the door and they let the dog bark at night and had no trouble with nails on a chalkboard. You could play your clarinet at all hours, so 11:00 PM was a fine time to practice. And let's say you turned 18 and went off to college and got a hearing roommate. Well, if someone paid close attention, they might think you were hard of hearing, wouldn't they? Well, FLEAS are a little like that. All those "rules" hurt. Now, you may not be narcissistic. Let's take just one possible example to illustrate... Because of growing up with a narcissist, you're used to being criticized to death, and for the tiniest thing, so when you graduate from your university and get a job, it may hurt to hear negative feedback about your work. But you're not a narcissist. Personal Growth: Blame Your Parents for Your Problems!

Mistakes Parents Make That Push Adult Children Away | Home & Family. Our children will always be our children, but once they turn 18 or leave home, they also are adults with lives increasingly separate from our own. It's a challenge for parents to step back while also staying connected to their grown-up kids. Much of the angst between parents and adult children stems from the tug-of-war over whose life it is. There often is a disconnect between parents who still want to shape their grown-up kids' future course and the kids who are determined to live their lives their own way. For loving parents, their grown children's trials and errors, including failed projects and teary breakups, can be anguishing.

It can be wrenching to let go of the old parental omnipotence and not be able to fix everything. But when grown kids cope with these ups and downs, they develop into resilient, self-sufficient people with the confidence that comes from standing on their own feet. Seven "don'ts" to keep in mind when dealing with grown ­children… Don't overdo it. Trauma Linked to ADHD | Help With Stress and Trauma. What Is Childhood Trauma? A Definition of Traumatic Childhood Experiences. What Is Childhood Trauma? By Bob Murray, PhD Nearly every researcher agrees that early childhood traumas (i.e. those that happen before the age of six) lie at the root of most long-term depression and anxiety, and many emotional and psychological illnesses. Severe traumas can even alter the very chemistry and physiology of the brain itself! Among mental health professionals, and even some childhood development specialists, there is sometimes a lack of understanding over exactly what constitutes childhood trauma.

A seminal 1992 American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) report defines childhood abuse as "a repeated pattern of damaging interactions between parent(s) [or, presumably, other significant adults] and child that becomes typical of the relationship. " In addition to physical, sexual and verbal abuse, this can include anything that causes the child to feel worthless, unlovable, insecure, and even endangered, or as if his only value lies in meeting someone else's needs. Top of page. Parental Destructive Narcissism by Nina Brown. Adults Surviving Child Abuse: Types of child abuse. The Invisible Scar | raising awareness of emotional child abuse, its effects on adult survivors & the power of words on children. Shaming Children Is Emotionally Abusive. I recently attended a social gathering with friends, family, strangers and a bunch of cute kids. As the day ended and goodbyes were shared, I over heard a six-year-old quietly ask her mother for something. Suddenly, in front of the crowd, the mother exploded and yelled hysterically at the child.

The little girl was silenced with tears streaming down her cheeks. It looked like a familiar scene for mother and daughter. The crowd silenced too, but quickly acted like nothing happened. This example of shaming and humiliating a child can have long term devastating effects. . “ Wherever I look, I see signs of the commandment to honor one’s parents and nowhere of a commandment that calls for the respect of a child.” Adult children raised by narcissistic parents frequently tell similar childhood stories of shame and humiliation. Just today, a friend shared a similar story. Shaming and humiliating children is emotionally abusive. Shaming and humiliation causes fear in children. 6 Types of Dysfunctional Childhoods You Should Know About | Portland Lifestyle Counseling | M. Joy Young, LCSW, CPC.

Portland Lifestyle Counseling, LLCbranchingover@iinet.comHolistic counseling for mind-body-spirit–community503-309-1163 Social worker, counselor, and life coach Article by M. Joy Young, LCSW, CPC Portland Oregon 503-309-1163 As a licensed clinical social worker I have experience working with many different types of people and have heard many stories - some quite shocking. Yet I am still taken aback when I hear adults recount their stories of childhood abuse or neglect. Even with shows like Oprah and Dr. Phil bringing horrific stories of abuse right into our living rooms we still find it hard to believe that many children suffer crippling abuse throughout their childhoods. I want to share with you 6 types of childhood abuse that you should be aware of. The pain of childhood abuse DOES affect you now. 1. This is the most common type of dysfunctional childhood. 2. This is one of the most well known types of dysfunctional childhoods. 3. 4. 5. 6.

^Top. Emotional Child Abuse: The Invisible Plague. Counseling Center at University of Maryland. A recent cartoon depicted an "Adult Children of Normal Parents" banner strung across a nearly empty auditorium. This cartoon suggests that few people come from trouble-free families, and most could benefit from some type of support or self-help group. For some, the wide range of resources available makes it easier to identify potential resources for dealing with personal issues. For others, admitting that something was wrong in the family and seeking help are difficult steps. The plethora of resources can be confusing and off-putting. One of the basic premises of the Adult Child of Alcoholics (ACOA) recovery movement is that people who grow up in a family where one or both parents are alcoholic frequently have common experiences, regardless of the severity of the alcoholic family members' behavior.

Sometimes ACOAs protect themselves by saying "Yes, my family was like that, but I don't live with them anymore, and it no longer effects me. " Other myths reflect a fear of intense emotion: Parental Involvement is Key to Success for ADHD Kids - ADHD. We all know the kids: they’re bouncing off walls, unable to wait their turn, so easily distracted that they just can’t focus on the task in front of them. Do they have Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder, or ADHD, as the inherited disorder is called?

Or are they just frisky, normal kids who will outgrow this restlessness? Few challenges of parenting are tougher than confronting the possibility of ADHD. The questions seem endless. How can you know if your child really has ADHD? How should you approach school about it? Defined by extremes As anyone with a TV knows, the question of whether to medicate ADHD kids is the subject of passionate debate, usually defined by the extremes. Diller says that people with ADHD fall somewhere along a spectrum, from severe to mild. “It’s not that I am against medicine,” Diller continues. First, a diagnosis Until recently, the first suggestion of ADHD was often made by schools.

School accommodations This, however, is not a diagnosis. Coaching. How Child Abuse Primes the Brain for Future Mental Illness. Parentalbondinginstrument. ACEs Too High. Psychological Trauma – Cavalcade Productions. ACE Study - About the Study - Adverse Childhood Experiences. Raising My Boychick » Blog Archive » Ten Tips for Tickling Without Trauma. Attachment Disorder Maryland - providing information and treatment options. Emotional & Physical Development Of Children Who Get Paddled. The Effects That Spanking Has On Children.

Research On Spanking Children. Bonding and Attachment in Maltreated Children: Consequences of Emotional Neglect in Childhood. Damaged Goods // equivocality. Let Her Shave Her Legs. At what age should girls shave their legs? | Sublime Media Connection. What age should girls shave their legs? - The Debate Team. What age should girls start shaving their legs? | CafeMom Answers. Q&A: At What Age Should Girls Shave Their Legs? When should girls start shaving their legs. At what age should girls start shaving their legs?" Attached the Book | Attached, a new book by Amir Levine, M.D. and Rachel S.F. Heller, M.A. explores The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find—and Keep—Love. 10 things parents should know about meeting children's emotional needs. Shaming Children Is Emotionally Abusive.

How to Heal a Rift With Your Adult Child. Prisoner of the Past - Find Your Truths. Why Spanking Is a Bad Idea. Discussion of 'Is excessive tickling abuse?'