Print - I Think You're Fat. Here's the truth about why I'm writing this article: I want to fulfill my contract with my boss.
I want to avoid getting fired. I want all the attractive women I knew in high school and college to read it. I want them to be amazed and impressed and feel a vague regret over their decision not to have sex with me, and maybe if I get divorced or become a widower, I can have sex with them someday at a reunion. I want Hollywood to buy my article and turn it into a movie, even though they kind of already made the movie ten years ago with Jim Carrey. Philosopher Bios. Dead Philosophers in Heaven null.
