Why our relationships fail - Robin S. Cohen, Ph.D. How do we first begin to experience love?
Perhaps as babies, as early psychoanalysts Fairbairn and Guntrip believed, the only way we could feel loved was by having our needs met. The language of bodily transformation was the language of love. Mommy feeds us, changes our diaper or picks us up and we feel satisfied. This feeling of satisfaction and security may be the early equivalent to feeling loved. Love becomes represented by how satisfied and safe our caretakers make us feel; how easily and well they transform our bad feelings into good ones. This is not an unreasonable perspective– we do want our loved ones to be attuned to us and to care enough about us to do what they can to add to our lives. How can we negotiate this impossibly thorny paradox of love if we both believe deep down that we can only feel loved if someone loves us enough to be who we need them to be? D.W. Related Articles and Authors Tara Parker-Pope: The Happy Marriage is the “Me” Marriage Stephen Mitchell.
D.W. Manipulation News, Videos, Reviews and Gossip - Lifehacker. Manipulation News, Videos, Reviews and Gossip - Lifehacker. Emotion vs. Logic: "The easiest way to manipulate people—especially Americans—" Usually true and this makes me sad. But, its not always true. I find it helpful to apply the TV/Politics test. TV: Grey's Anatomy or House? Politics: Palin or Buckley? If they can't answer either of these questions, then just tell them what you want IS what they want in an authoritative manner and they'll probably do it. Manipulation News, Videos, Reviews and Gossip - Lifehacker. Manipulation News, Videos, Reviews and Gossip - Lifehacker.
Controversy. Top 10 Conversation Hacks. How to detect bullshit. By Scott Berkun, August 9, 2006 Everyone lies: it’s just a question of how, when and why.
From the relationship saving “yes, you do look thin in those pants” to the improbable “your table will be ready in 5 minutes”, manipulating the truth is part of the human condition. Accept it now. I’m positive that given our irrational nature and difficultly accepting tough truths, we’re collectively better off with some of our deceptions. They buffer us from each other (and from ourselves), avoid unnecessary conflicts, and keep the wonderful confusion of our psychologies tucked away from those who don’t care. But lies, serious lies, should not be encouraged as they destroy trust, the binding force in all relationships. Why people BS: a primer The first lie in the Western canon comes from the same joyful tome as the first murders, wars and plagues: the Old Testament. Please note that in this tale nearly everyone lied. People lie for three reasons; the first is to protect themselves. BS detection. Knowing When to Walk Away from Unrequited Love.
“Love does not obey our expectations; it obeys our intentions.”
~Lloyd Strom To say that love hasn’t obeyed my expectations would be the understatement of the century. I have not been lucky in love. I’ve been blessed with some amazing moments over the years, but somehow have managed to choose partners who did not want what I wanted, did not feel what I felt, and did not want to walk beside me into a future together. I have really had to sit with this and try and figure out what part of this was my doing, and how to change it, because this year I once again chose a partner who was not walking with me. I once again entered into a relationship desperate to find love and instead found a beautiful disaster. Falling in love can be a slippery slope, regardless of any protective barriers we may have built. Often we fall in love with a person before we have fully gotten to know them.
I suggest we do our best to live in the moment. The elastic can break. 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. Life isn’t easy. If you want me, then fight for me because i'm done fighting… 15 Styles of Distorted Thinking. Micro Expressions - Research, Theory & Lying. Interesting Info -> Lying Index & Body Language -> Micro Expressions Is the show "Lie to Me" for real?
I am not a police interrogator, scientist, or other expert... I am however a mother & people watcher. Years ago, when I wrote articles on How to Detect Lies & Eye Movement and Lying -- I knew of the Micro expression theory, but had a difficult time researching the subject well enough to relay it into an article. Recently, I've come across tons of new research, websites, articles, videos, etc. about micro expressions and believe anyone who reads my old articles about lying & body language would benefit from micro expression research and theory.
What are Micro Expressions? A micro expression is a momentary involuntary facial expression -- that people unconsciously display when they are hiding an emotion. The main points to remember are that micro expressions are: Brief - Micro-expressions can appear then disappear off the face in a fraction of a second. . And the Duchenne Smile. Dr.
Dr. Dr. Relationships. Body Language and Conversation. The Neuroscience of Relationship Breakups. "...Loves me, loves me not" An unexpected and unwanted breakup can cause considerable psychological distress.
People report feeling as if they have been kicked in the stomach or blindsided and knocked down. Feelings of rejection and self-doubt are common, as is the feeling of being stuck and unable to let go, even when one wants to. Friends and family may push the person to get over it and move on, yet brain research suggests this can be very difficult to do, at least in the first few months. B reakups and the Brain The research on relationship breakups in unmarried people (generally college students) gives us some clues as to why these events are so subjectively painful. fMRI of the brain during a breakup Our brains appear to process relationship breakups similarly to physical pain. Obsessive Thoughts & "Cravings" People who have recently been rejected by their partners often develop obsessive thinking.
Hope and Resilience. Defense Mechanisms. Defense mechanisms are automatic psychological processes that protect an individual from anxiety and the awareness of internal or external threats or stressors.
People are often unaware of these processes as they operate (although others may be painfully aware of them!). Defense mechanisms can be classified into groups or levels that indicate how they affect an individual's functioning. High Adaptive Level: Defense mechanisms in this group result in optimal adaptation to stress. The defenses usually maximize feelings of well being and do not interfere with the conscious awareness of feelings, ideas, and their consequences.
•Affiliation involves dealing with stressors by turning to others for help or support. •Altruism involves dealing with stressors by dedicating yourself to meeting the needs of others. •Anticipation involves dealing with stressors by anticipating the consequences and feelings associated with possible future events and considering realistic solutions. How to Detect Lies - body language, reactions, speech patterns. Interesting Info -> Lying Index -> How to Detect Lies Become a Human Lie Detector (Part 1) Warning: sometimes ignorance is bliss.
After gaining this knowledge, you may be hurt when it is obvious that someone is lying to you. The following deception detection techniques are used by police, forensic psychologists, security experts and other investigators. Introduction to Detecting Lies: This knowledge is also useful for managers, employers, and for anyone to use in everyday situations where telling the truth from a lie can help prevent you from being a victim of fraud/scams and other deceptions.
This is just a basic run down of physical (body language) gestures and verbal cues that may indicate someone is being untruthful. If you got here from somewhere else, be sure to check out our Lie Detection index page for more info including new research in the field of forensic psychology. Signs of Deception: Body Language of Lies: • A person who is lying to you will avoid making eye contact. Bored? Eight Ways to Spot Emotional Manipulation. 1) There is no use in trying to be honest with an emotional manipulator.
You make a statement and it will be turned around. Example: I am really angry that you forgot my birthday. Response - "It makes me feel sad that you would think I would forget your birthday, I should have told you of the great personal stress I am facing at the moment - but you see I didn’t want to trouble you. You are right I should have put all this pain (don’t be surprised to see real tears at this point) aside and focused on your birthday. Sorry. " 2) An emotional manipulator is the picture of a willing helper. 3) Crazy making - saying one thing and later assuring you they did not say it. 4) Guilt. 5) Emotional manipulators fight dirty. 6) If you have a headache an emotional manipulator will have a brain tumor!
7) Emotional manipulators somehow have the ability to impact the emotional climate of those around them. 8) Emotional manipulators have no sense of accountability. Brain Difference In Psychopaths Identified. Professor Declan Murphy and colleagues Dr Michael Craig and Dr Marco Catani from the Institute of Psychiatry at King's College London have found differences in the brain which may provide a biological explanation for psychopathy.
The research investigated the brain biology of psychopaths with convictions that included attempted murder, manslaughter, multiple rape with strangulation and false imprisonment. Using a powerful imaging technique (DT-MRI) the researchers have highlighted biological differences in the brain which may underpin these types of behaviour and provide a more comprehensive understanding of criminal psychopathy. Dr Michael Craig said: 'If replicated by larger studies the significance of these findings cannot be underestimated. The suggestion of a clear structural deficit in the brains of psychopaths has profound implications for clinicians, research scientists and the criminal justice system.' 5 Douchebag Behaviors Explained by Science. There are men whose very appearance can compel you to turn your head in disgust, muttering the word "douche" in a long whisper.
They're flexing in their skin-tight t-shirt, invading women's personal space at the bar and going on and on about their goddamn promotion. For all the times you've muttered, "What's the deal with that douchebag? " science has actually taken the time to answer what was probably a rhetorical question. The Egocentric Douchebag The child who screams "Look at me! The Disorder: Histrionic Personality Disorder or HDP. These drama-queens know all the world's a stage, and they have been cast for lead role of MacD'bag. The disease is not socially debilitating, since most sufferers maintain good networking skills, but they manipulate these relationships in a way that brings notice only to themselves. The Weightlifting Douchebag The only thing this man loves more than his own reflection is sleeveless t-shirts. Muscle Dysmorphia or what is commonly referred to as "Bigorexia". How to handle a break-up online.
Etiquette in today's digital world can be tricky. Andrea Bartz, left, and Brenna Ehrlich are here to help. Andrea Bartz and Brenna Ehrlich are CNN.com's "netiquette" columnists Here's how to avoid reminders of your bad break-up while online Consider blocking exes on sites like Twitter, Foursquare or Facebook Editor's note: Brenna Ehrlich and Andrea Bartz are the sarcastic brains behind humor blog and soon-to-be-book Stuff Hipsters Hate. When they're not trolling Brooklyn for new material, Ehrlich works as a news editor at Mashable.com, and Bartz holds the same position at Psychology Today.
(CNN) -- So you've had your heart ripped from your chest -- the left ventricle cleaved from the right. Congrats! While grandmas, school guidance counselors and inspirational kitten posters would advise you sagely, "Time heals all wounds," and leave it at that -- it's doubtful that that trio of treacle ever had to deal with their wounds being spliced open every time they signed onto the computer. Eight Ways to Spot Emotional Manipulation.