How to be a programmer. 'marty' on Fri, 15 Sep 2006 02:40:21 GMT, sez: oh my gawd!!! I'm not a "Programmer" by profession, more a systems admin in windows, but I use vbscript (and some shell stuff) to do administrative tasks. (With Powershell coming up as a must-have skill) And the above is how I do all that scripting work. I miss out on the intellisense bit (although I do use PrimalScript to do my initial bits) but other than that its cut-n-paste from websites and help files :) You're giving the game away!!
'andrew/crucible' on Fri, 15 Sep 2006 03:27:08 GMT, sez: Mate, you just made my friday afternoon... fantastic start to the weekend. Thanks for the laugh! 'Stefan' on Fri, 15 Sep 2006 06:01:41 GMT, sez: So, where's the Visual Studio Add-In that automatically queries Google on my error messages? 'MikeFitz' on Fri, 15 Sep 2006 06:16:19 GMT, sez: Stefan, Yes! 'Shellman' on Fri, 15 Sep 2006 12:14:42 GMT, sez: You got it right! 'retrospect ' on Fri, 15 Sep 2006 15:01:23 GMT, sez: Between this and today's Daily WTF? Hi guys, Ariel.com.au/jokes/The_Evolution_of_a_Prog... High School/Jr.High First year in College program Hello(input, output) begin writeln('Hello World') end. Senior year in College (defun hello (print (cons 'Hello (list 'World)))) New professional #include <stdio.h> void main(void) { char *message[] = {"Hello ", "World"}; int i; for(i = 0; i < 2; ++i) printf("%s", message[i]); printf("\n"); } Seasoned professional Master Programmer Apprentice Hacker Experienced Hacker Seasoned Hacker % cc -o a.out ~/src/misc/hw/hw.c % a.out Guru Hacker New Manager Middle Manager mail -s "Hello, world.
" bob@b12 Bob, could you please write me a program that prints "Hello, world. "? Senior Manager % zmail jim I need a "Hello, world. " program by this afternoon. Chief Executive % letter letter: Command not found. % mail To: ^X ^F ^C % help mail help: Command not found. % damn! Anonymous If you enjoyed this, you might like: &Write in C& Worlds worst hacker. IRC transcript. Free Hosted Image.
YAPH: Management Technique. Staffing Hire the best employees you can possibly afford then ignore their input, micro-manage them and second guess their decisions. Recognize employees who develop new or extend existing skills by putting others in charge of related projects. Keep staffing levels critically low. Hire consultants to "relieve" the workload. Temporary employees do not raise head count and rumors of exorbitant hourly rates will engage staff as their new co-workers "come up to speed". Criticism must be public to be effective. Reward successful and overachieving employees with increased workloads. reduce the milieu of other staff accordingly. Reward poor employees, beyond keeping them on the payroll, by offering them the same education and advancement opportunities as your stars.
I wish to thank the effete, small-minded corporate toadies who brought the existence of this page to the notice of management. Im Cured! Stupid Patent. This "business process on the Internet" patenting is patently ridiculous. The patent office is now allowing the patenting of goals, not just technology. It is getting extremely silly. They are simply taking common, unpatentable physical or verbal processes, and patenting the act of making an electronic version of them. They are not patenting specific algorithms, but merely the computer emulation or simulation of something that is currently being done by hand. Did anybody successfully patent delivering goods by car when horses started to fall out of style in the 1900's? The "transport mechanism" will always change. Just because a common practice happens using 1's and 0's instead of by phone or on a piece of paper is no reason to be granted a patent.
For example, one man has a patent for "sending moving images over the Internet" [paraphrased]. I almost suspect bribery at the patent office. STOP THIS NONSENSE! That is the simple recipe for stupid e-patents. Possible Solution - Fixed Percents. Microsoft redesigns iPod packaging - Goog. Amazon CLI: 0-Click Shopping. Tatic.flickr.com/49/167539266_22095f98e7.... RetroWeb Console - Mark Woodman.com. Myspace-527.vo.llnwd.net/01321/72/51/13215... File/2006-01-19/119/ McDonalds Job Application. + New .COMs $7.99/yr plus 18 cents/yr ICANN fee. Discount based on new one-year registration prices as of 1/27/2012 with sale price reflected in your shopping cart at checkout.
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Laugh Break Stories - College Applicant. This is an actual essay written by a college applicant to NYU in response to this question: I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice. I have been known to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention. I translate ethnic slurs for Cuban refugees, I write award-winning operas, I manage time efficiently. Occasionally, I tread water for three days in a row. I woo women with my sensuous and godlike trombone playing, I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and I cook Thirty-Minute Brownies in twenty minutes. I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru. Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious army ants.
I am an abrstract artist, a concrete analyst, and a ruthless bookie. My deft floral arrangements have earned me fame in international botany circles. Kmartvz5smfe3.jpg (JPEG Image, 600x776 pix. Img11.echo.cx/img11/3524/mimouse3lv.jpg. Image: swiss cellular. Img.redu.us/x/xa69c_IMG_0120.jpg. i91.photobucket.com/albums/k297/dyell_2006... Humor.beecy.net/misc/jobad/robber-shot.jpg. Hof.msrcsites.co.uk/flowsheet.jpg. Grocery Store Wars | Join the Organic Rebe. _fc/0/2/fn.91.jpg. Facts About Dihydrogen Monoxide. Dihydrogen Monoxide (DHMO) is a colorless and odorless chemical compound, also referred to by some as Dihydrogen Oxide, Hydrogen Hydroxide, Hydronium Hydroxide, or simply Hydric acid.
Its basis is the highly reactive hydroxyl radical, a species shown to mutate DNA, denature proteins, disrupt cell membranes, and chemically alter critical neurotransmitters. The atomic components of DHMO are found in a number of caustic, explosive and poisonous compounds such as Sulfuric Acid, Nitroglycerine and Ethyl Alcohol. For more detailed information, including precautions, disposal procedures and storage requirements, refer to one of the Material Safety Data Sheets (MSDS) available for DHMO: Should I be concerned about Dihydrogen Monoxide? A similar study conducted by U.S. researchers Patrick K. Why haven't I heard about Dihydrogen Monoxide before? Good question. What are some of the dangers associated with DHMO?
What are some uses of Dihydrogen Monoxide? Absolutely! Can using DHMO improve my marriage? Dogsanimtatednosesst3.gif (GIF Image, 748x. Corporate Lessons in Management fun twiste. Corporate Lesson 1 A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings. After a few seconds of arguing over which one should go and answer the doorbell, the wife gives up, quickly wraps herself up in a towel and runs downstairs.
When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor. Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you $800 to drop that towel that you have on" After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob. After a few seconds, Bob hands her 800 dollars and leaves. Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk in time with your stakeholders, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure. Corporate Lesson 2 A priest was driving along and saw a nun on the side of the road, he stopped and offered her a lift, which she accepted. Moral of the story: Always be well informed in your job, or you might miss a great opportunity. Blank Sheet of Paper! BS News | Satire.
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I've also got a quiz about research statements, if you think you can tell the difference between what a scientist means and says. "It can be shown" Somebody said they did this, but I can't duplicate their results. "It has long been known" I don't know the original reference. "A trend is evident" Okay, a trend does seem apparent to me, but no statistical analysis in the world will support it. "Of great theoretical and practical importance" Means it is interesting to me or else I want it to be interesting to somebody with money so they will fund my research. My experiment failed, but I still want to get published. Amp; Posts & show. Crazy.codetroop.com/randimg. Strange statues around the world | hah. This is one of our most successful post ever.
In fact, with this post, haha.nu is known to the world through several big world medias, incl. Yahoo! 7 TV, Deutsche Welle, MSN, Daily Mails… Through the years, we transformed this post to our own pictures server, but now we will just reuse the blogzine to re-post the photos as a series, like several series we already have here @ haha.nu. Haha.nu.Strange statues around the world series. @ haha.nu. Terry Tate: Office Linebacker - Google Vi. Panadol & AdverBox Advertising Blog - Prin. Graphics8.nytimes.com/images/2005/10/10/op...