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It's the British Pie Awards today, in Melton Mowbray (of course) where a vast panel of judges will masticate their way through 18 categories of stuffed pastries. As well as predictable pork, banal beef and stalwart steak and kidney, there are classes for "football", fish, "celebration" and "other meat", which offer more to the imagination. The event takes place in a church hall bedecked with bunting; the logo has a union flag emblazoned athwart a handsome pie . It's touching and quaint, this English obsession with name-tags and rosettes for everyday stuff: white coats and serious, critical faces staring at a table of marrows.