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Editors Note: After a conspicuous absence of more than two months (during which time he was presumed dead and taken off the employee roster), Mr. Beedon was found unconscious, dressed only in a kimono and a pair of argyle socks, on the doorstep of our offices. Upon regaining consciousness, Mr. Beedon spent fifteen minutes pacing the hallway and muttering about “the FUCKING MONKEYS”, then pulled off his socks and took out a wadded piece of Hello Kitty stationery, on which was written the bulk of this article. While we cannot speculate upon Mr.
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